we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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