Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
