1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
