he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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