I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
