I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
