If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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