i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Randomize
