just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
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can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
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pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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