I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
