I'm eating all of the evidence.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
