No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
