My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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