as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
