You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
