She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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