Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
