i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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