Apparently you make a good broom.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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