im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize