i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
What a dumb baby whore.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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