two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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