We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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