I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
