At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
