made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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