she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
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It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
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He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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