I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
