Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
