My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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