he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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