I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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