I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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