plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
