I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
