It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
they're like a gay fantastic four
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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