I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
