its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
