You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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