He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
