I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
