ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
