Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize