When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i think i have two assholes
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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