totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
She bit a glass in half.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
