So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
