it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
