I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
