Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
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