So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
My life is pants optional.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
