FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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