u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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