im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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