The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
