Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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