please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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