Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
