i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
