I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
