oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
