literally had 100 drinks last night.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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