oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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