porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
