I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Randomize
