12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
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In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
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I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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