Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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